Not to brag, because I know there are plenty who find this an easy run, but I ran 5 miles again today. Over 5 in 50 mins. I'm slowly quickening my pace. I waver between 9:40 and 10:00 min miles. I could have ran forever. I know its because I had lots of carbs for breakfast. Both times I've been able to run that far I had eaten only carbs. My body had plenty of fuel.

I'm trying to really focus on clean eating. I eat a lot of fruits and veggies as it is, so I just want to up it. I'm thinking that this would be what I would eat, or something similar:

Breakfast:

oatmeal

berries

water

coffee (can't give it up)

Snack:

hardboiled eggs

carrots

Lunch:

salad with lots of veggies

chicken

Snack:

turkey slices

string cheese

baby tomatoes

Dinner:

beef/chicken/fish

two veggies

Snack:

yogurt

berries/apple

That's really a lot of food, but I have to fuel myself and not be tempted by the CRAP that my coworkers always have. Chips, cookies, cake, candy, etc. The snack before dinner will change whether I'm going to the gym or not, if I am, it will be less protein, more carbs, like an apple or something. Let's hope I can manage this.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are?

I have always understood that people will, I think drift is the wrong word, and so is separate, but drift is what I'll use, drift apart as they get older. It makes perfect sense, some go to college; others don't. Some get married young and start families; others work. I just never understood why am I always the person who has to make these friendships work? Were you actually my friend, or did you think you couldn't shake me? After everything I've ever done, you barely can manage a "Happy Birthday" message on facebook, yet you can't call; send a card, even a text message? Are you so self absorbed that nobody matters but you? Does it ever cross your mind what I might be up to? When my grandmother died, did you even think to ask me how I was doing? If I was okay, did I need anyone, even just someone to cry to? If I was upset over something could I even call you to vent, email you, anything? You always say, "we should catch up," "we should hang out," etc., but then you never follow through. I know we all have our lives, and I know we can't chat constantly like high school and college allowed us, but just because I live miles from you, doesn't mean I still don't need a friend. What did I ever do to you? Why did you even "pretend" if that's what it was? I don't know what hurts more, to think that someone was pretending because they felt sorry for me or that someone could just give up on a friendship. I don't even know if I have friends anymore. If I have a bad day I call my mom. I don't even think to call a friend. Thankfully, my sister is back from camp, so I can call her, but how sad is it that I have no friends. Just family. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but I sit here and think, wow it would be great to have a friend again. I think, sometimes, that my sister's friends would help me before my own would. I'm going to my hometown next month, and I'm excited for the week off and some relaxation, but I can't even say I'm going to see my friends. They want me to try, but it doesn't ever seem worth it. I'd rather hang out with my parents. Maybe I am no fun, maybe it is no surprise. I don't really know. All I know is that I want more than just a boyfriend and a family (who doesn't even live near me!).

Sleep

I used to think sleep was overrated.

I was DEFINITELY WRONG.

I am exhausted. It is 8:15.

Shower. Teeth brushing. Bed.

I "borrowed" this picture from my cousin's, wife's Facebook.

Hanny is too cute.

Is It Bad...

That I only drink water and coffee?

Is that totally weird?

Occasionally I have tea, and on Saturdays, I have a soda, yeah seriously, one.

I'm just feeling like I'm the only one.

Kinda like Dierks Bentley in:

Anyway, today is my day off from the gym.

I noticed yesterday, while working on my "lats" that they look pretty good in the mirror.

That's good. I think.

I did the Step Mill along with my treadmill and some walking.

It felt good, I hope it works other parts of my legs.

Sometimes, I think I have to lay off the running.

If I crosstrain a little bit, I am thinking that I will be less likely to injure myself.

I'm feeling kind of brave, so I'm thinking I'm going to post two photos.

One from the end of June and one from now of me in my bathing suit.

I hope there is some change.

On the left is June, the right is now.

I think I'm looking better.

Heaven

I just finished reading this book (it did not even make it to the "Bookmarks" page).

via

It was a really quick read. It was pretty short, and very engaging. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and whether someone believes it or not, it really brings all these positive things into your mind. If you haven't read it and want to, maybe you shouldn't read the rest of this, but if you plan on reading it, I know that you probably already know what it is about.

First and foremost, I love the idea of the little sister that was miscarried before Colton (the little boy) was born. She does not have a name, but he met her on his very short trip to heaven. I like to think that when I go to heaven, and when my parents are there, that we will meet "Nicholas" and we will know him without even questioning it. It will be so exciting to meet him. As much as I would have loved to have him here with us, I think being in heaven is a better place for him. Had he lived on this earth, he would have had a very difficult time. Nobody knows for sure how handicapped he could have been, but God and Jesus are better buddies than anyone here would have been. I can not even begin to imagine what he would look like, but thinking about this makes me so excited to meet him.

Second, I can not wait to see Grandma Pat again and Grandma Mo and Grandpa Gerry, and Uncle Bob, and everyone in the family who I haven't met before. I hope that Casper is hanging out with them and being the good dog that he always was.

Three, I can not even imagine the fight that will go down when Satan is finally sent to hell. I never would have thought that he was hanging around, but he is. That's why we all struggle so much with sin. I would not have ever thought about it, until I read this book, that he isn't in hell yet. Realistically, hell does not exist yet. I think, I'm not really sure.

Read this book. It is great. If you believe it, awesome, if you don't, I'm sorry.

My Favorite Healthy Things

These are some of my favorite healthy things and why I love them.

ONE:

running

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I love running. It is my favorite workout. Its so hard on my joints, but it is my absolute favorite. I love running on the treadmill and outside, but my allergies have made outside running more and more difficult. So, indoors it is. Anyone can run. And you don't have to run fast. Just run.

TWO:

water

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I'd be lying if I told you I only drink water BUT I mostly drink water. Especially during the week. During the week it is coffee in the morning and water. That's it. I don't need any other beverages. I've given up my diet soda habit, and I only treat myself to soda on the weekends. I like my water super cold, and I ALWAYS have some with me.

THREE:

carrots

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I love carrots. Baby carrots are so portable and easy to snack on. The crunch replaces chips and crackers. I like them plain, personally, but they are good with hummus or ranch dressing (in moderation).

FOUR:

spinach

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I love spinach. It is excellent in salads, I kind of even like eating it plain. I'm very strange.

FIVE:

apples

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There's nothing better than a crunchy, crispy apple. Red Delicious and Pink Lady apples are my favorite, but I will eat any.

SIX:

blueberries

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These are my favorite berries. I love all berries, but I could eat that whole container. I try to hold back, but I love eating them. Delicious!

SEVEN:

heirloom tomatoes

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I love tomatoes, and if I had to pick a favorite, it would be heirloom. I know that the odd colors make them look strange, but they are DELICIOUS. And since they come in so many colors they really make salads and things look so lovely.

These are my favorite healthy things, I usually eat, drink, or do these things everyday.

Crazy Guys

I've started watching "Mad Men" from Season 1.

I love the look of the television show.

The 1960s were such a unique time in history.

I love the fashion; I am a modern girl, but I don't mind women being moms and enjoying it.

I'm not a fan of all the smoking, drinking, and men cheating on their wives.

I do know that this is what life was like.

I wish I had a time machine, so I could experience it myself.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I should probably refrain from quoting Ren & Stimpy.

I doubt it is very becoming for a girl of my age.

I am happy though. I'm upping my mileage or my speed each workout. Today was speed, I shaved one whole minute off my 3 mile run. I'd say that's impressive, for me at least. My triceps feel like complete jell-o and my last set of chest presses was so beyond unbearably painful, that I am without a doubt that I will be in pain tomorrow. Which works out because tomorrow will be a leg and ab torture day. Keep up the good work body. You're doing well.

I'm still a work in progress. And I think I am okay with that, finally. Each day, even when I have mental, emotional, and physical set backs, I realize, that I can only be so much or do so many things. At the end of each day I have to be happy and content. That's what is most important. If that means coffee in the morning, and ice cream at night, then that's what I plan on doing. These days it has been lost of healthy eating (hello giant salad I had for lunch today) and exercising, which I plan on stepping up, just a little. I am making slightly more realistic weight loss goals, and if I make them, a reward, and if I don't, I will not be beating myself up over it.

I can not live my life and expect people to like me or treat me well if I can not treat myself that way. I am this huge canvas or this empty journal with so many different ways of finishing it. It might have tons of line-outs and eraser marks, or the red might eventually be covered by blue, but what matters is I am constantly growing; and I am happy.

Smile. Love. Laugh. Be Happy.

CMA Music Festival

After having gone to Nashville last year

And my love for country music

And after watching the CMA Music Festival on TV

This will be our vacation next year

It will be so much fun

I can't wait

Super Saturday

These are the reasons why today was awesome:

(ONE)

Yeah, I ran 5 miles today. I am that awesome.

I also lifted weights after.

And I am alive to talk about it.

(TWO)

I went shopping and bought these:

$6.24 each

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via

via

I Got a Lot of Troubles of My Own

I'm digging the new Miranda Lambert song, "Baggage Claim."

My blogging ability has seemed to be very limited as of late. I have a lot of words and phrases in my head, but as I am typing them, they just are not working out. I think a lot of things in my life are not working out as planned, and it is probably creating this little road block between my brain and my mouth (if I am actually speaking) or my fingers if I am typing.

I was reading a book, surprise, surprise, and if you did not already know, I am a very emotional person. I cry, a lot. However, the point is that yes I did want to cry while reading this book because the brother in the book gets in a car accident and his brain is severely damaged. From that point on (he is not a main character, just a side character) he lives a life in a home with only his sister visiting him. He wanders around, and has to have reminders of everything, his short term memory is very limited. As I was reading, I came to the realization that my current career is not what I should be doing. I have too much compassion and empathy for people who need help. I can not imagine going back to school to become a nurse, but sometimes I wonder, am I being drawn to a career in Special Education? Or perhaps something in a similar field? I don't really know. I want to help people, and I know that right now, I do not. I sit at a desk doing mindless work, and honestly, I spend a lot of my day doing absolutely nothing. It is such a waste of my time and my energy. People assume that doing nothing would be so easy, but trust me, the day is excruciatingly slow and you are exhausted. It is almost like my brain is atrophying from lack of stimulation. I can only imagine what it would be like if I did not read. I read books and magazines; blogs and newspaper articles; and anything else with print on it.

I really have been sitting back and trying to decide what exactly I want to be doing with my life. I know that economically it does not make sense to quit my job, but with a student loan and part time work, I think I could make it happen. I am already in debt with my previous student loans, what's a little more if I feel accomplished and happy? I know that I should take the GRE and get my Master's Degree alongside my Teaching Credential, but am I really ready to take those leaps?

Hmm... This is only one portion of the huge thing that is taking up space in my head, aka my brain. There is so much going on and no way of properly expressing it. Thank you blog world, and anyone who might read this, for helping me.

Five Things

Five Things I Love and Had Forgotten I Enjoyed So Much:

1. Ben Folds, Bright Eyes, and Modest Mouse. Sometimes you just need to switch it up.

2. Melty ice cream on the bottom of the bowl swirled with the still frozen stuff. Delicious. It might be the best part (falls into the same category as the fact that I like soggy cereal).

3. Chips & Salsa. Do I really have to say more?

4. Classic Books: Little Women, The Great Gatsby, To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Catcher in the Rye. I actually love all J.D. Salinger and F. Scott Fitzgerald. Honors English my junior year of high school worked well for me.

5. Football. Not really forgotten, but the Chargers have their first preseason game tomorrow. It is definitely meaningful game, they are playing the Seahawks. Chris's BFF Damian who died in February was a huge 'hawks fan. I might just have to be a 'hawks fan tomorrow. Shh... don't tell Chris.

Happy Wednesday!

:)

Running

I love running.

I don't look like I love running and when you see me stop in the middle of my run, I'm not stopping because I can't run, I'm stopping because my allergies/asthma/legs/feet etc. are like, "hey, crazy lady, what's wrong with you?"

I'm over the 4 mile mark, which I think makes me a legit runner.

Insert MC Hammer's "Too Legit to Quit":

I'm really working on this being healthy, better fitness, eating cleaner, I'm not sure if I can really consider it clean eating completely, but here's a run down of what I ate today.

Greek yogurt w/ a bit of cereal

Watermelon

Turkey w/ cheese, carrots, and a plum

A few tortilla chips

2 Lara Bars

Spaghetti squash w/ tomato sauce

Some fro yo

That really is not a lot of food, but it packs a lot of calories (maybe)

However, the only unreal foods I ate today was the cereal, tortilla chips, and pasta sauce.

The rest qualifies as real food, right?

I think so.

I also, only drink water during the week (oh and coffee in the AM).

I really have a terribly boring and sedentary job.

So I think I eat a lot of crap that I normally wouldn't.

And my weird eating habits/lack of always eating well give me terrible stomach pains, aches, rumbles, whatever you want to call it.

To make up for my potentially poor eating, here's the exercise my bod got today:

40 mins brisk/power walk at lunch

40 mins run/jog (4.1 miles)

30 mins weight lifting (shoulders and biceps)

15 mins stretching

That's good, right?

If I could shove a few more veggies into my tummy and a few less tortilla chips, I might be okay.

By the way, I'm too lazy to post a photo, but Gilles Marini might be the HOTTEST man on the planet. No kidding.

Things That Make Me Smile

Even though Mondays (especially when C has to be at work at 5 AM) generally suck. I'm going to be an optimist and show you things that make me smile.

And maybe some of them got me through this Monday:

{one}

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Really, what would I do without my coffee?

I don't know. But I am turning into my mom.

I can not function without coffee in my system.

Awesome.

{two}

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The fact that this guy FINALLY has another book out.

I hope the library has it.

Or I could buy it for my collection.

Hmm...

{three}

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I would really like this shirt.

I love the play on the "potty mouth" of BS.

And I love Blake Shelton.

I'd be upset that he's married, except that he's married to my favorite lady: Miranda Lambert.

Have I ever mentioned their photo is my computer's desktop?

Okay, you can be officially freaked out.

{four}

This music video:

This song.

I LOVE IT.

Its so smiley and happy.

{five}

The fact that even though I didn't work out today, I ate pretty well and don't feel too badly about any of my choices.

Smiles and high fives all around.

Happy Monday!

Turning Pages

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go." - Dr. Seuss

I have not been very good at updating my "Bookmarks" page, because I read entirely too fast.

However, if you wanted to know, I've updated it.

Also, Nicholas Sparks has a new book out.

And I have like 5 library books waiting to be read, and one that is waiting for pickup.

I don't know, I might have to return the ones that are not as new, so I can read the newer ones and move on.

Back to Mr. Sparks.

He went to my high school.

I've read all his books, possibly more than once.

I don't know if I have a favorite.

I think "The Notebook" and "A Walk to Remember" are great.

Yet, I'm a big fan of "The Rescue"

Anyhow, keep reading my friends. It is food for the soul.

Oh and I spent my afternoon reading in Barnes and Noble.

Its soothing, calming, and when I can get a big, comfy chair, it is perfect.

I call this my playlist of reading music.

Take a listen:

Hilarious

I watched the movie, "You Again" last night.

I thought it was hysterical.

This scene is my favorite.

You should see the movie, it is available instantly on Netflix.

Laugh a lot.

Jobs

Every single year in the wonderful state of California, all those who work for the state are faced with the same thing: we have no budget, don't travel, don't use any paper, one pen per person, etc.

The last few years were furloughs, my department did not participate because we had the money in the fund to pay the employees.

This year, however, we are not so lucky.

Some of our colleagues will lose their jobs.

As of right now, it wouldn't be me, but they get rights to their classification anywhere else.

That means, I could be bumped from my position or to a different agency.

Nobody really knows where we will be and we are only at the beginning of the process.

However, in 2 weeks, we will know.

I will know if I could potentially be bumped.

And the thought of that, is awful.

I don't love my job.

But, I like it enough to want to keep it.

I don't want to go to a different agency, I like mine.

I like working downtown.

I'm comfortable.

Who knows where this will lead.

Maybe it is God showing me I should go back to school to get my teaching credential.

Maybe it is God showing me that I should go somewhere else.

I guess I won't really know until it happens.

Pray. Pray. Pray.