One Of Those Days

Some of today is not even worth a rant.

I'm going for a promotion; technically.

It might actually save my job.

Because I could be laid off.

I could get this new job.

Or I could keep my current job.

I'm not nervous, although I think I should be.

I might even be overly confident.

Which is crazy, because I've had some "flubs" in my current position, that depending on who interviews me, could automatically think, "no thanks."

Maybe I'm not nervous because I haven't turned in my application?

Yet, I feel weird about it.

I'd love the promotion; I'm sure I am fully capable of the challenge. I guess I just wonder: what if it isn't right for me and I don't realize it until I've been doing it for awhile?

I hate to be a quitter.

In some aspects of my life I live by the motto: "Too blessed to be stressed." - that would be for work.

In others, my motto is: "Get there or die trying." - that would be exercise, weight loss, healthy eating, etc.

Anyway, I'm feeling kind of indifferent towards things right now.

I don't think I like this feeling.

I Got a Lot of Troubles of My Own

I'm digging the new Miranda Lambert song, "Baggage Claim."

My blogging ability has seemed to be very limited as of late. I have a lot of words and phrases in my head, but as I am typing them, they just are not working out. I think a lot of things in my life are not working out as planned, and it is probably creating this little road block between my brain and my mouth (if I am actually speaking) or my fingers if I am typing.

I was reading a book, surprise, surprise, and if you did not already know, I am a very emotional person. I cry, a lot. However, the point is that yes I did want to cry while reading this book because the brother in the book gets in a car accident and his brain is severely damaged. From that point on (he is not a main character, just a side character) he lives a life in a home with only his sister visiting him. He wanders around, and has to have reminders of everything, his short term memory is very limited. As I was reading, I came to the realization that my current career is not what I should be doing. I have too much compassion and empathy for people who need help. I can not imagine going back to school to become a nurse, but sometimes I wonder, am I being drawn to a career in Special Education? Or perhaps something in a similar field? I don't really know. I want to help people, and I know that right now, I do not. I sit at a desk doing mindless work, and honestly, I spend a lot of my day doing absolutely nothing. It is such a waste of my time and my energy. People assume that doing nothing would be so easy, but trust me, the day is excruciatingly slow and you are exhausted. It is almost like my brain is atrophying from lack of stimulation. I can only imagine what it would be like if I did not read. I read books and magazines; blogs and newspaper articles; and anything else with print on it.

I really have been sitting back and trying to decide what exactly I want to be doing with my life. I know that economically it does not make sense to quit my job, but with a student loan and part time work, I think I could make it happen. I am already in debt with my previous student loans, what's a little more if I feel accomplished and happy? I know that I should take the GRE and get my Master's Degree alongside my Teaching Credential, but am I really ready to take those leaps?

Hmm... This is only one portion of the huge thing that is taking up space in my head, aka my brain. There is so much going on and no way of properly expressing it. Thank you blog world, and anyone who might read this, for helping me.

Jobs

Every single year in the wonderful state of California, all those who work for the state are faced with the same thing: we have no budget, don't travel, don't use any paper, one pen per person, etc.

The last few years were furloughs, my department did not participate because we had the money in the fund to pay the employees.

This year, however, we are not so lucky.

Some of our colleagues will lose their jobs.

As of right now, it wouldn't be me, but they get rights to their classification anywhere else.

That means, I could be bumped from my position or to a different agency.

Nobody really knows where we will be and we are only at the beginning of the process.

However, in 2 weeks, we will know.

I will know if I could potentially be bumped.

And the thought of that, is awful.

I don't love my job.

But, I like it enough to want to keep it.

I don't want to go to a different agency, I like mine.

I like working downtown.

I'm comfortable.

Who knows where this will lead.

Maybe it is God showing me I should go back to school to get my teaching credential.

Maybe it is God showing me that I should go somewhere else.

I guess I won't really know until it happens.

Pray. Pray. Pray.

A Time Out from Nostalgia of My Road Trip

And I'm going to tell you about my day.

A relatively uneventful sort of day at work.

I did however get the opportunity to clean my desk. Here it is:

Photos, scanner, phone, and part of my computer.

Photos, phone, my keyboard, computer, mouse and two monitors. We all have two monitors, it extends our screen. So for example I can stretch my email to take up both screens if I so choose OR I can pull up the internet on one side and still see the other side.

That's Hannah eating her hand looking at you, by the way. She's the cutest.

More photos, my radio, stapler, notes and calendar. Right now the calendar has a picture of man and woman in the kitchen saying:

"But honey, decision-making is women's work."

Yeah, that calendar is a hoot.

As well as the tear off desk one.

It is titled: "Stupid Things Men Say"

Little things give me joy, little things. I'm glad my desk is clean, now for this weekend: CLEAN APARTMENT!!