untitled

I have always had two flaws that do not go hand in hand; I am super confident, sometimes too confident, yet, at the same time, I also manage to be very insecure and have terrible body confidence. It is such a very strange set of flaws to have. I can walk into any room as if I own the place, yet if someone looks at me while I am eating, I freak out thinking they must be imagining terrible thoughts in my head. It is such a crazy feeling because I will wake up and be like, eh, I look ho hum, nothing unusual. Then I have a complete and utter meltdown. I don't want to look like every other super thin celebrity. I just want to fit back into all my clothes. I want to look at myself and see what I want to see, not what I used to see.

Growing up being overweight or chubby was so difficult. The words that people said, the things that people did. It was so hard to undergo. I know that as an adult, these things shouldn't matter. But I see it. Every. Single. Day. I see kids and teens and adults going through that. People are too this, too that. Why can't we all just be happy. I was happy in my 8s and my 10s, and now I'm not happy.

I wish that people were less superficial and cared more about what is inside.