Here are FIVE reasons why I feel embarrassed every time I have youthful flashbacks (and I've been having them a lot lately, quarter life crisis anyone?)
Backstreet Boys
Hands down my favorite.
I know the words to ALL their songs.
I had their photos (particularly, Nick's, second from right) plastered all over my bedroom walls.
I saw them in concert in junior high and about died.
I don't know what's more embarrassing, that I liked them and had their CD, or that you probably don't even know who they are. They're from England. Somehow only the Spice Girls managed to make it big here.
- Dumpster diving while driving a pretty new Mercedes. Makes perfect sense, right?
Next up:
- White, family, driving geeky bright blue car, with a vanity license plate bearing the word "THUGZ"
I don't even know what to make of that? Clearly my idea for BabyBnz is cool too?
Third, and hopefully I won't have to edit this later for more:
- Homeless man walks into Starbucks, I assume to use the restroom. I don't really pay much attention to anything because I'm happily enjoying my Americano and my book. I then see him out the window again, nice and clean with SOPPING WET HAIR. He bathed in the Starbucks sink? So gross.
Just call me Alice today.
I'm mildly obsessed with my cropped, purple skinnies.
I wish it was acceptable to wear the same pants every. single. day.
I know it is frowned upon because my coworkers and I were discussing laundry.
I live in an apartment, I only do laundry once every other week, or two, or so depending when I run out of clean underwear and workout clothes.
Apparently that makes my choices in everyday attire questionable because how can I have that many clothes?
First off, I do, but most importantly, do you really need to wash everything, every time you wear it?
NO. Jeans get better with time, like a fine wine.
I'm also usually wearing 2 -5 shirts at one time, so the top one is almost always clean, unless I spill on it.
Please tell me I am NOT the only one that does this?
I wish I could tell you my blog absence was because I was on an exciting vacation.
That I was writing a novel and had to spend time away.
That I was a super spy and on an international mission doing something top secret.
That I took a week off to do just what I want to do.
However, none of that was true.
Come Thursday afternoon, lots of pain.
Visit to Urgent Care and a diagnosis of: shingles (pre rash), strained muscle, or possibly kidney stones, but not likely.
I went home, tried to rest and went to work the next day.
Friday, it was worse, but manageable.
As the day went on, it got worse and worse. I couldn't sit, couldn't stand, could hardly walk, and looked like I was tilted to the right.
By joint consensus of Chris and my mom, I went to the emergency room, spent 6.5 hours there to be told:
you have some fluid around your liver but everything is normal, here's some super strong pain meds.
This is me, post IV w/ pain medicine, pre CT (somewhere between 8 pm and 11 pm):
Anyway, I am perfectly fine, and feeling so much better.
Chris and I had some laughs:
1. I have like no heart rate. It is always super even, and doesn't vary.
2. My blood pressure is on the low side of the spectrum, once again, Chris finds it funny.
These two things substantiate what his father always teases me about: that I have no heart.
3. The people in the ER are crazy. Yes, I'm in lots of pain, but my pain on a scale of 1-10 (9) is worth way more than this girls 4 (which turns out to be menstrual cramps and she still got the same pain meds as me, you wonder why people are addicted to prescription drugs?? I've only taken 1 pill, but I bet some people take them all).
4. I'm not fat. The nurse said I'm this height and that weight too, I guess I'm not fat, because you're not.
5. Drawing blood = no problem; IV = problem.
Happy Tuesday, hopefully no more hospital visits for me.
Sometimes I get caught up in my selfish ways, or I get caught up in my life, and don't notice the things around me. Yet, when I do they hit me like a ton of bricks.
Chris and I went to get dinner. We were in line, behind a man. I wasn't paying very close attention, just patiently waiting my turn. I then saw that he wasn't speaking and was writing down what he wanted. I then realized, he was deaf. I'm a pretty patient person and I wasn't really bothered by it. When it was finally our turn, the man gave us free sodas for our inconvenience. I wasn't inconvenienced in any way. In fact, it broke my heart to think that had there been anyone else in line, they would have been upset.
The man at the cash register and the girl behind the counter went above and beyond what anyone would have expected of them for this man. I assume he regularly frequents that place, because they were so nice and kind to him. Much more than any other people would be.
As I've been thinking about it, and I can't stop thinking about it, I also don't think they made him pay for his food. I just think that this world needs more people like this, and less people who would become impatient or irritated with this man. All he wanted was food, who knows what other circumstances his life has handed him (poor, alone, etc.) and these employees were beyond kind and amazing. Words can not even begin to describe how I felt in there. I started tearing up and every time I think about it I start to cry (I'm a crier, what can I say), tears of happiness for such a loving and kind way of treating people, and tears of sadness for those who don't get treated this way.
Thank you Miguel and Jenni at Rubios (even though you may never read this) for restoring my faith in humanity.
At the gym, this song came on my Ipod and I chose not to change it. Some would have passed it up for something more upbeat, but I kept it. I was, luckily, at the end of my work out, but I wanted to bask in a moment to remember my loved ones who have passed, especially my grandparents.
My sister and I are lucky little girls (although we are not so little anymore). We grew up with six grandparents. My mom's parents had remarried before either of us were born. I thought that six grandparents was the norm and could not figure out why other kids only had four.
I want you to remember, no matter what, to love them and hug them. Let them tell you boring stories, ask them questions about their lives, and when they want to spend time with you, do it. You never know when they will be gone. Someone I know is always blowing of his grandparents, and not to sound like a geek, but I could ring his neck, because I'd do anything to spend 1 more day, heck, 1 more hour with each of my grandparents.
Grandpa Harvey: October 10, 1933 - January 14, 2012
Grandpa Harvey is my mom's dad. I don't know as much about him as I do my other grandparents, but I can give you some information. He had 3 sisters, and was adopted with one of his sisters as a kid. He grew up in North Dakota, lived on a farm, married my grandma, and then my aunt, mom, and uncle were born. They moved to California and the rest is history.
Grandma "Mo": September 21, 1921 - June 20, 2011
Grandma Mo, or Eleanor as others would call her, was my dad's mom. She was a nurse in the army, that's how she met my grandfather, during World War II. Her and my grandfather were married for 62 years when he died, and they only spent 10 days apart. She tried to teach me how to crochet, she helped foster our imagination, and made the best cookies. No peanut butter or chocolate chip cookies compare to hers.
Grandma Marlene: December 3, 1937 - August 2, 2010
Grandma Marlene is my mom's step-mom. She married my grandpa Harvey WAY before I was born. Lucky for her (and for me) her children didn't have children until after my sister and I were born, and I was the first girl. Most of her jewelry, although sometimes cheesy, costume jewelry, was passed to me before she died (by her) and I knew she'd have gems when I went to pick out what was hers that I wanted. I wear a ring that was hers almost everyday. She always bought our Christmas dresses for us and who wouldn't love a grandma that had to have a second bedroom so she had an extra closet!
Grandpa Gerry: September 23, 1918 - February 25, 2008
Grandpa Gerry is my dad's dad. I can't tell you the number of life lessons he taught us. He was in the army, during World War II. As you may recall, he met my grandma after he was injured. He fostered a love of tomatoes and ketchup in his granddaughters (lucky man, only had granddaughters). I'm sure for my dad and aunt and uncle it was a different story, but when things went wrong or when you did something wrong, it was always advice. Not a scolding, but help for making things better next time. His words of wisdom, helped with some of my weakest moments in life.
Grandpa Fred: March 21, 1930 - March 16, 2007
Grandpa Fred was my mom's step-dad. He was a Coquille Indian, and said he fought a grizzly bear. I have no proof, but it makes for a great story. He was an outdoorsman, loved camping, loved his grandchildren, and his dogs. Abbey and Dillon were his pride and joy, especially after my grandma died. When Abbey died his heart probably broke in two. His stories were always far fetched and outlandish, but you never knew if they were true or not.
And finally...
Grandma Pat: May 16, 1933 - April 23, 1999
Grandma Pat. The one we lost way too soon and without warning. The one I couldn't say goodbye to. My mom's mom. The one that I miss the most. The one that my heart still breaks thinking about. All that she missed. I can remember the last few conversations she and I had. I can remember the gut wrenching feeling when my dad told me she had died. The pastor at the church where I got confirmed said that I was the cookie cutter version of my mom and my grandma. I'm sure she would have never admitted it, but I was her favorite.
I can't find the video, but I remember a commercial where a grandchild was supposed to pick up, or go see their grandmother, and they didn't because they were doing drugs. I've ALWAYS every time I've seen been angry and upset. Especially since it came out not long after my grandma Pat died. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
So, remember to love your grandparents, no matter what. No matter how crazy they drive you, no matter how busy you are, and no matter how much you don't want to. Spend time with them, as much as you can. Remember, some of us don't have that time anymore.
And because I'm not always sad, mostly just nostalgic, I've been digging this song, a lot:
My legs could use some color, don't worry, they'll get there. I have spray tan and tan enhancing lotion in my cupboard.
Oh, and I'm sort of a geek and I think I'm getting kind of buff. Okay, at least a lot more muscle tone and a lot less fat than before. I've lost almost 20 pounds and about 2 pants sizes. I've been doing a modified version of Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer but I can't get into Week 9, so I might start from the beginning again, and gain some more muscle before I do the lean out phase. I'm not quite where I want to be muscle wise.
I am always early to bed and early to rise, and even for me this loss of an hour sucked. I didn't get up until 8 because of it. The horror! I even was in bed at 10:15 last night and probably asleep by 11. I must have needed some shut eye.
In other news...
Have you seen these videos/heard these songs.
First, I love this song by Miranda Lambert. And the video is so well done, kind of haunting yet beautiful. It also brings tears to my eyes.
And this song, Taylor Swift feat. The Civil Wars. I love both, and I really love this song.
I have been having this nagging ache/soreness in my knee. I tripped and fell like a month ago, and bruised my knee. It was sore for a few days, I rested, worked out when I could, iced it, etc. It went away and I was getting in these awesome runs; speedy, long, intense, all the good things. Now my knee is hurting again. Being a runner, or working out a lot, is really a challenge, but injuries make them worse.
My thighs, I now know where the massive bruises are coming from. I have this terrible habit when I'm doing upper body strength workouts, of bringing down the dumbbells, whether swinging them or just dropping them, onto my hips/thighs. Big bruise on my leg = no bueno.
Feet. They haven't been blistering or bruising and that is good news. So either my feet have finally broken in my running shoes (I've had them since July) or something else has happened. Either way, I'd like my feet to stay this way.
I've been trying new things at the gym, forcing myself to go outside my comfort zone and lifting heavier, trying the things that I normally might have skipped. I'm so impressed at my interval ability, 6.0 MPH for 2 mins and 7.5 MPH for 1 min for 30 mins may not be a stretch for most, but for me it is awesome. I can keep it up and it hasn't been a fluke. I really think it has helped with my steady runs, making them a little faster and a little less taxing. Not to mention, I feel like my weight is going down like I prefer. I'm almost done with Week 7 of my version of Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer. I accommodate it with what my ability allows, what my gym has access to, what my time allows me to do, etc. I'm tempted to repeat the second phase before moving on to phase 3, but I'm not sure. I still have one more week in phase 2.
It made me sick, but I know that we have a huge problem in this society. We think that being skinny, model thin, "perfect," with no blemishes, etc. is what makes us a woman and beautiful. First and foremost, most models are close to 6 feet tall. It is easier to look thin when you're that tall than when you are 5 feet tall. But, we all know that these magazines and advertisements are airbrushed. No matter what way you slice the cake, and please eat the cake, they aren't realistic. I am a huge fan of new mantras that I have seen: Strong is the new Skinny. So much better.
I know that I am in the process of losing weight, although I am doing it in a healthful manner and for more than just outward beauty. My insides need to be healthy. My grandparents' both died from heart related issues. That might only be one pat of my genetic makeup, but of my four biological grandparents, that's 50%.
I know that I will never weight 120 pounds, and I don't think I would want to be there. I know that I have wide hips and big boobs and I am okay with that. I don't have a goal weight, I'd like to wear a size 8 again. That's all. I'm not that far, but most of all, I want to be healthy. I want to lift my groceries and not feel over exerted. I want to chase after something and not be out of breath. When I'm ready for children, I want my body to be healthy for it.
If you've ever met Chris and me, you know we are opinionated and "talkers". We both talk a lot. It works well for us as a couple because we can talk to each other all the time, about all kinds of crazy nonsense, but also about super important and difficult subjects. Yesterday we had one of those long talks about a subject that we both find immensely troubling. I have always felt this way, and although I probably have not always made it known on this blog, it is something that I have strong feelings about. My examples might not make much sense, and they might not be the best comparisons, but I assume you'll be able to get my drift.
To begin, Chris and I both feel that people lack morals and values. Of course we are all going to have different morals and values based upon how we were raised, where we were raised, and what we find most important. We refer to the fact that this lack of morals and values has created a lack of respect, compassion, consideration, and common sense.
Respect - People have truly lost respect for others. Whether this be younger people and adults who have authority or authority and those below them. The opinions and lifestyle choices of others are degraded, mocked, and most of all, treated as if the other person is always wrong. I don't think, although I could be wrong, that even as near as 30 years ago, this was prevalent. Rebellious nature was supposed to be a way to be different, not to be disrespectful of others.
Compassion - I can't walk a mile in your shoes, but if you are upset, grieving, or just having a mediocre kind of day, I should empathize with you. I know what that is like, and I should have enough respect for you to at a minimum ask if I can do anything for you. You do have the right to say no, but I should at least ask.
Consideration - This falls with respect, but be considerate of others in all aspects. If someone has lost a child or a loved one, be sensitive to how they might be feeling. It isn't right to go mocking or teasing in a scenario, when your neighbor is experiencing the same thing.
Common sense - Don't let your daughters who are 13 dress like they are 25. Don't let your children out on their own without supervision. Don't encourage playing with knives, fire, etc. Teach proper safety tips. Express the respect that woman should receive and that a man should give. Set a good example for your children, and those around them.
Our main example in this was, as everyone is talking about, Tim Tebow. Yes, I don't think he is the greatest quarterback to play the game, but does that make him a bad person? Absolutely not. If he so chooses to speak on abstinence and waiting until marriage to become sexually active, is there anything wrong with that? Is he any less of a man or a person for that choice? No, he is not. He respects his mother, and women around him. Is it so wrong to be a kind, considerate, respectful person, like him? Would you prefer your son to grow up like him or Tommy Lee?
I'm not sure when you consider something luck, as I've always considered it, or, if it can change and become unfortunate circumstances. I always thought it was normal to have six grandparents. I found it odd the first time I heard that most kids only have four. I was very confused by it. Then I came to realize, or maybe my mom told me, that I was so lucky and loved to have six.
I'm only 25, and I'm so jealous when I hear of my coworker who is my mother's age that still has her grandmother around. I'd give anything, and I make it know to Chris about his brother, to have my grandmother back. I was only 12 when she died, and thankfully the rest of my grandparents were able to see much more of my life.
My Grandpa Harvey died yesterday. It was rather sudden, although he had been sick. I had talked to my mom Monday and she had said that he wasn't doing better, and that he wasn't doing worse, so we were optimistic. Unfortunately, he had a heart attack, and when he was resuscitated, and put on the machines, my mom, aunt, and uncle made the tough decision of pulling the plug. He didn't last more than 15 minutes or so.
I'm sad for many reasons. I'm sad for my loss and my family's loss. I'm sad because I don't have any grandparents left. I'm sad because I'm not as close as I could have or should have been to him. I know he loved me and I know he knew I loved him, but it is still a sad thing for all of us. I'm even more sad that I can not find a single picture of me with him. I can't find one that we're both even in with other people. I'm glad when I was visiting my family at Christmas I was able to see him. I didn't envision it to be my last time.
One of my other grandparents died in June. I enjoy running, and it is a good release for me, and I have found that I do my best running when I'm first initially feeling grief.
Remember to spend time with your loved ones and always tell them you love them, no matter what.
I am so blessed in so many ways. I'm sure most of us have those days where things go wrong, or at least don't go our way and we get upset. We might yell; throw things, or my personal favorite, cry. I realize that we need to take moments out of our day to know that we are blessed and that things could be much, much worse. Some of my many blessings:
1. Chris
What would I do without him? (Sorry that the photo is blurry, lack of flash, slow and inexpensive camera will do that to you). He makes me smile, he makes me happy, he believes in me and never lets me down. He tells me I'm beautiful and smart; caring and funny; and all the wonderful things that every girl loves to hear.
2. My Immediate Family
My mom, dad, and little sister all support me no matter what. They are always there for me when I need them. I always have a shoulder to lean on or cry on. My mom and sister are my best girlfriends and my dad gives the best advice. They both learned from the best (my grandparents) are now imparting their wisdom upon me and my sister so that we can bestow that upon our children.
3. My extended family
My dad's brother's two daughters and son-in-law, and my dad's sister. They might be nosy and always in our business but they are always there. Even Angel the dog too!
4. My Cousins and Sister
We're pretty close and spent a lot of time together growing up, especially after my uncle died. Just us girls. Playing Barbie and dress-up, and school and doctor. We had a lot of fun and we can thank our parents, aunts and uncles, and grandparents.
I don't have recent photos of my other family, but my mom's family just the same. I've already plugged this on the blog, but my cousin wrote a book, he has a wonderful wife and a beautiful daughter.
Those are my blessings and now onto my resolutions.
1. Stay on track with healthy eating and exercising. I have gone to the gym 5 days this week and feel great about it. I'm confident that I can keep up the good work.
2. Believe in myself more.
3. Spend more time outside.
4. Spend more time doing fun and exciting things with Chris.
5. Smile more and cry less.
6. Read my Bible, almost, everyday.
7. Pray, honestly and earnestly.
8. Become a better blogger.
I hope you all had a fabulous weekend. Smile and be happy.
Work does not make for a perfect Friday. In fact, if anything, it makes for an imperfect Friday. However, it was replaced with the good things in my Friday evening. I took yesterday off from the gym for a rest day, and went back tonight. I didn't even realize until it was too late that I spent almost 2 hours there. It felt so good. My body is adapting well to my workout intensity. I've just lifting some heavy weights and constantly switching up my cardio. I think it is really helping my leg muscles progress.
To continue with my happy Friday, Chris and I went to Panera. I was feeling kinda chilly and I am kinda sore, so alongside my soup and salad I ordered some hot tea. I forgot how much I enjoy a nice cup of hot tea. Especially flavored teas. Panera had Republic of Tea bags, so I was able to choose between a few different ones. I had the Mango Ceylon, which is apparently a metabolic tea. If it helps, it helps, otherwise I just really liked the flavor. The second one I had is Orange Ginger Mint, which is an after meal tea. And that's exactly when I had it, after dinner. When I put it in the cup with the water, it looked like Mountain Dew. I was afraid that it would be too unusual for my liking, but I really am enjoying it (still drinking it). I'm going to have to expand my tea cupboard.
Finally, I really like Miranda Lambert's new album: "Four the Record." I love the song that Blake Shelton wrote, "Over You." It is such a heartfelt song. I can really understand why he wouldn't want to sing it himself; getting too choked up, but her voice is perfection on it. She has the perfect angry/sad sounding voice. Take a listen; drink some tea; and relax on this wonderful Friday night.
Normally, when I strength train my legs, I am sore for days. Last night I strength trained my legs (a little more exercises, with the same weights) and I'm not sore today. It is such an odd feeling to not feel any soreness. My arms and chest are so sore today from Tuesday's workout though. I guess I need to make sure I pay enough attention to them. I've been focusing on doing a moderate intensity cardiovascular workout followed by a more intense strength training workout to build up some muscle in hopes of toning up and losing some pounds that way. I know that muscle is the key to losing weight, being toned, and looking good. I was really hoping to have a fourth day in a row gym day today, but it would be time to do back and abs, and I'm to sore to get the most benefit out of the lifting. Friday night gym session it is. Which, I really don't mind, because Friday nights tend to be less busy.
I've also survived my portion control and only eating when I'm truly hungry lifestyle change pretty well. I've been keeping track online here: MyFitnessPal and really like that I can track food, exercise, and water. It shows me if I eat too much of one thing and not enough of another. Plus, I put all I plan on eating in there when I get to work in the AM and add throughout the day, that way I always know where I'm at, and maybe when I plan to be hungry and I'm not.
However, with all that being said, I feel as though I am becoming too obsessed. I can not stop thinking about calories in vs. calories out; did I run enough; did I lift enough; when will I workout next. I just want my head to be fully into it, and I hope that I don't become too obsessed and stressed out. So far things have been really good, and I'm only like a week in, but I'm happy with my dedication. I just hope I don't lose sight of the ultimate goal: to be healthy and happy and confident.
That my triceps will be screaming at me tomorrow. But what's a workout if you don't put in 125%, right? I was in the running groove today as well, but limited my cardio so that I can focus on building some massively lean muscle. I would have expected the gym to be a total nuthouse because of everyone's 2012 resolutions, but it wasn't. There were a few newbies, but not too many, most of the same old faces.
I am at such a loss for anything to say right now. I'm tired, weird-esque dreams at night, that aren't really scary, but keep you up, will do that to you. Hopefully I'll get a great night's sleep tonight.
I haven't posted Christmas pictures yet, because my aunt has not put them online. Since she hasn't put them up, she probably won't. So, I apologize for the lack of holiday photos. There are some family photos that we took, but those are not quite as fun as the gift opening and dinner eating ones.
2012 will be the year of fun for Chris and me. We spent 2010 worrying about money and living off one job, and now we've spent 2011, still somewhat worrying about money, but having raises and two jobs. We plan on going here:
Well, we plan on wanting to go to Hawaii, and I'd pick Maui, even though I've already been there. Lahaina was the only notable place I could think of to get a picture of.
And then of course, my birthday is coming up and we plan on going back here:
Disneyland is the happiest place on earth.
I'm pretty excited about going for my birthday.
So far, that's all we have planned for 2012.
Give us some ideas. I hope you all had a great 2011 and continue to have health and happiness in 2012.
