My letter to the fat haters

If you've seen my photos or you know me, you know that realistically, I am not that heavy. I am overweight, I am not obese, I don't weigh 300 pounds, but I know the feeling of being the biggest kid in class; the heaviest girl in school. It is, by far, the most difficult thing for anyone. At the end of the day, you can not change your race, your ethnicity, your age, etc. Yet, you can change your weight. I think that is what people struggle with, whether they are the "fat" person or the "skinny" person.

When you aren't fat, I assume that you look at a fat person eating a cookie and say, "how can they do that, knowing that they are so big? It isn't that hard to eat carrots and apples?" But, do you know why they eat that way? Have they always run to food for comfort because of a poor upbringing? Did they have parents who never forced them to eat healthy food, therefore they don't like it, or won't taste it? Maybe they are trying so desperately to lose the weight and watch what they eat and they can't help but be tempted by the food court or the ice cream shop?

It is a constant battle. What seems so easy for you, might not be so easy for the next person. And yes, you are right, it didn't happen to a fat person overnight. But your judgmental glances or the "watching" them eat and shooting devilish glances in their direction until they become so uncomfortable they get up and leave, does not help. Don't say that it is "gross" to watch them. It is just as gross to watch you eat chili cheese fries too. Don't laugh at them or snicker behind their backs at the gym when they are so desperately TRYING to do something to better their lives. When did judging someone give you any gratification?

Just remember, they do have feelings, be supportive, not judgmental and then maybe, someday, we'll see a difference.

I wonder...

I wonder if I could write a letter to Jodi Picoult and get her on the ball and writing faster. I read her books too fast. I like them all so much. Here are my favorites: (I don't know if I can count the new one, I don't know how it will finish, I'm not done).


All photos via

All Dogs Go to Heaven

It really breaks my heart to see dogs that have owners who mistreat them. It is so sad. My family's first dog, Casper, was from the pound. He was an American Eskimo dog. The only men he ever let near him was my dad and my grandfather; we safely assume that his previous owner was a male who most likely beat him. Other than having a strong dislike for me, he was the best dog ever.

That's Casper helping me hunt for Easter eggs a long time ago. He really was the best dog ever.

Anyway, I remember when we had to put him down. November of 8th grade. It was hard, but he is in a better place. Yes, I believe that animals have souls; especially dogs. Trust me, if you have ever met Casper, or Lucie, or Ricky, you definitely know that they do.

This is a short post, but please don't abuse your animals. If it turns out you're not an animal person, find a home for them. When Chris and I buy a house someday, we want a small house with a big yard for lots of dogs. They really are man's best friend. Be nice to them, and they'll be nice to you.

Happy Easter!

Easter is one of my favorite holidays (it is a three way tie with Christmas and 4th of July). After church we decided to stroll around Seaport Village. My camera is not the greatest, and we are not the best photographers nor are we the most photogenic, but I'm glad I wore a bright pink sweater, it stands out nicely with the San Diego background. I apparently told everyone that called us who asked about the weather that it was overcast. (Everyone who calls us always says, oh it is storming here in Maryland; oh we haven't seen the sun in weeks up in Sacramento; etc.).

Me looking somewhat awkward. I'm not an uptight person but I can never manage to look very laid back in photos.

Chris looking casual, calm, and collected as if he was born for taking pictures in Seaport Village. Two thumbs up!

Us right before we decided to head back to the Pier Cafe for lunch. It wa really awesome basically sitting over the water. The windows went to the floor and a seagull was walking right on by. It moved to fast for me to get a picture though.

A boat on the bay. Say that ten times fast, okay twenty times fast.



We were able to enjoy all the neat shops. It was crowded, but not so bad for Easter Sunday. We'll have to go back and pretend to be tourists again, it was fun!

*************************

I am updating my post because no matter what news website or newspaper website one reads, there are always people who feel the need to bring others down. The Sacramento newspaper posted a story, on Easter Sunday, about a man who was given a 20% chance to live and miraculously lived. The arguments amongst those leaving comments were of negativity and disdain for Christians. I understand their anger and irritation with a newspaper commenting on religious aspects of life. I for one, however, do not believe the newspaper was trying to say Christianity was any better than choosing to not be Christian or any other religion. They were clearly stating the facts of this family. This family believes in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of prayer. I do not believe when we pray that God just "magically" makes something happen. That is absurd and ridiculous. I believe he gives people like the doctors and nurses the ability to heal someone. Maybe someone was called into work that day who was not supposed to and was the best in that field. Nobody knows for sure, all that should matter is that this man is now able to live his life. I doubt this family discredits the doctors, after all, they clearly don't believe that God magically cured him.

Non-Christians always throw out the idea that all Christians are evil, mean spirited, hurtful, and full of anger. I can tell you, as a Lutheran, that we are not that way. We want everyone to believe and go to heaven, but I am not going to fight you, belittle you, or berate you. There are extremists, for every religion and every way of life, that give people a bad name. Just like the men who flew planes into the World Trade Center were extremist Muslims, not all Muslims are that way. There are just as many who loathe and love the United States. Yes, these extremists give us a bad name, but it does not give anyone a right to mistreat through words or any other means. I do not understand the atheists and the agnostics, the hippies and the earth lovers, who do not believe in a spirit, an idol, a god (or God) of any kind, who mistreat those of us who do believe in something. You want us to be respectful and do not want us to try and convert you, yet, you treat us as if we are bumbling idiots. You blame all the hate and anger; death and destruction; foul mouthed and debt filled cities on us. You blame our God for not fixing everything with a snap of His fingers. Well, let me give you a Bible lesson.

A long time ago, God created the heavens and the earth in 6 days, and rested on the 7th. He created a man, whom he named Adam. Adam walked around naked with all the animals, where God thought, this man needs a companion. While Adam was sleeping, he took one of his ribs and created a woman, Eve. There were no rules. There was no shame. There was only pure and joyful happiness. Well, except, there was one rule. Not to eat from the tree in the center of the garden. (A useful tidbit, Satan was once an angel, and now he is a fallen angel). The serpent aka Satan or any name you want to call him, tricked the woman into eating an apple and sharing it with Adam. They realized they were naked, felt shame, and hid from God. (Paraphrase of Genesis 1 and 2). Where does all the questioning that non Christians have about our God come in, for this, no more paraphrase but actually verse:

"So the Lord God said to the serpent, 'Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel." To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, "You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."'" Genesis 3: 14-19.

What non Christians tend to forget is that there is more to our God that answering any prayer and making a beautiful world. He told us long ago that it would not be easy. He told us that the world would be sinful, that the devil would be everywhere, and that there will be pain and sadness because not everyone will believe. Yet, He gave us a way out, because He couldn't give up on us, He loves and cares for us a lot:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

So we have faith and we believe. We try to be good people. We pray and worship; give thanks and praise because of what God has done for us. Easter is that reminder. On Good Friday, Jesus hung on the cross to die for our sins (mine and yours no matter who you are and what you believe). Then three days later, He rose again. Did you hear that? He was not in the tomb that morning, He was with His Father in heaven preparing a place for us. God created the world in 6 days and Jesus has been preparing heaven for us for years. Think about it, you're throwing a huge party, you spend a lot of time preparing it for someone special. We are someone special.

You then say, well leave me alone, I don't believe, I am not religious. We can't. We're happy to share the good news of Jesus. It is in our makeup. Plus, we were commanded to:

"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:18-20

The Great Commission. It is my job. I apologize if you don't like it, but hopefully my prayers will be answered and your heart will be softened and if not my prayer, maybe somebody else's prayer will be answered. And if not, I will know that is not in God's plan. If you know the Good Friday story, which I won't preach to you here, you know that Jesus wanted to get right off that cross and walk away; He was human after all, BUT He knew it was God's will that needed to be done, not his. I know God's will needs to be done, not mine.

Sorry for the long post, but I was upset and irritated by those leaving comments on the newspaper's website and could not hold it in. Happy Easter!! Enjoy your Bible lesson!

southern voice

This probably won't be 101 reasons, but that's what I'm calling it.

"101 Reasons why I should have been born a Southerner"

1. I'm nice as pie, sweet as sugar, and full of spice (that's how I would describe all the southerners I met on our travels from Maryland to California).

2. I loooove Red Velvet Cake (ahem look what I baked today...). It is a southern dish, yes, that's right. I am generalizing all southerners.

3. I like my music bluesy, folksy, twangy, country, and I want it to be about your mom your sister your dog your ex-wife, your house your job, or your truck aka country music.

4. Nashville is by far my favorite city ever. Like, no joke. I don't like nightlife, but I love Nashville's nightlife.

5. I'd like to sit on a swing set on a big front porch drinking either ice cold sweet tea or ice cold beer, I'm really down for either.

6. I'd like to swear dresses and cowboy boots and not look like an idiot; or look like I found it in a magazine.

7. I'm more into family gatherings than drinking until the wee hours of the morning at the hottest club. Unless it involves #4.

8. "Whether you're late for church or you're stuck in jail, hey word's gonna get around. Everybody dies famous in a small town." (Miranda Lambert)

9. Roads that look like this:

10. Biscuits and gravy, chicken and dumplings, oh and Cracker Barrel.

I guess I can be thankful I was born a California girl though.

twelve years

And nothing has changed. Well, except that everything has changed. My grandmother has missed a lot in our lives and I miss her a lot. Last night I was watching the "Girls Night Out" special honoring some of the greatest women in country music. I went to bed after Miranda Lambert performed, she is my fave, but then when I woke up, I heard that Carrie Underwood and Vince Gill had performed this (my grandma's fave) and it is so fitting:




Here is one of my favorite pictures of her and I (my grandma, not Carrie Underwood):

(Yes that's little baby me. Maybe around 6 months old or so?)

It is kind of perfect that this anniversary is falling on Easter weekend. Anyway, I miss you grandma Pat, but I know that you would love everything all of us are doing these days. I hope we are making you the most proud grandmother ever. I wish I could remember your voice, and I wish I could have spent time with you as an adult. I hope I still look like you as some people have said.

Good Friday

Today is such a vital day not only in a Christian's life, but especially in a Lutheran's life. The key role in being a Christian is always to believe in Jesus Christ and to give your life completely and wholeheartedly to Him. However, for us Lutherans, it means quite a bit more.

For anyone reading who does not remember their history lessons (shame on you says the history major) that Lutheran's have not been around forever. When the Catholic church was selling indulgences to get to heaven, Martin Luther said, that doesn't make any sense. So in 1517 when he was sitting around with his monk duties, he decided, if God grants us grace and expects us to have faith in Him, should we be buying our way into Heaven? The Bible clearly says you can't take your earthly things with you so how could you buy your way in?

Anyway, so why is Good Friday so important? When Jesus was nailed to that cross, He was both human and Son of God. Countless times he could have said, "thanks, but no thanks. These people mock me, beat me, laugh at me, treat me less than a peasant, berate and belittle me, mistreat my followers and believers, and the list could go on, so I am not going to save them. Why put myself through the pain and torture?" But He didn't. He endured the pain and suffering so we wouldn't have to. In one moment, his human weakness showed when He asked God to take it from Him, but then He realized, it was His Father's will and He would finish the task. We are FOREVER indebted to him. Today is vital for us. Now we wait, because we all know that for three days Jesus was dead, but soon, He will rise again. And someday, He will rise above earth and take all of us to heaven to be with Him and His Father for all eternity.

can you see it?

I can feel/see my body changing. I am so much stronger from doing these Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred workout.s I have definition in my biceps, I have more stamina, I do better planks and crunches. The number on the stupid scale won't budge, but if I can notice a difference SOMETHING good is going on.

Today should have been a bad self-esteem day. I was feeling good, ready to go for my run when my stomach started rumbling. If you run often, you know that running gets your innards moving out. If you catch my drift. I hate on my run feeling like I need to use the bathroom. I was happy, its always better to go on an empty tummy than a full one. Then it got worse. I was changing and couldn't wait, I had to use the bathroom. Normally you feel better or relieved, not this time. I felt worse. I said let's walk it out. I then had Chris pick me up. I couldn't manage. So I bought saltines and some carbonated water. Calorie and carb wise such a bad choice, but I chose to make up for it.

Come Level 2, 30 Day Shred. I've been trying to keep track of my exercising and my eating, not a real diet but a conscious awareness of it. Overall I think I am moving in the right direction. Two thumbs up for me today.

i'm a brand new lady

Running has felt great this week. I can't wait until I am running and running forever and ever. Anyway, I am a new lady (named Tatey) because I got a good haircut. Finally, woo hoo! That's all.

carrots + cinnamon = yum

A second post for today from tadoo, well of course

We had yogurt express and our leftover Chipotle for dinner

And my new favorite fro-yo flavor of all time is....

drum roll please...

CARROT CAKE!

Absolutely, positively, DELICIOUS.

The end.

give a little or give a lot

Some may recognize these people. Some may not, and others probably won't care. I care, a lot though. They are my absolute new inspiration and, although I hate to use the word idol, next to my family, they are who I want to be in life. Say hello to the Tuohy family. Sean, Leigh Anne, Collins, Sean Jr., and of course, Michael Oher. I'm sure you've heard of The Blind Side so you have probably heard Michael's story. Right now I am in the process of reading, In a Heartbeat: Sharing the Power of Cheerful Giving. I have always been about making someone better, as are the Tuohy's. They give and give and give and give. After starting the book, it is almost contagious.

Via

Now, this book focuses more on the lives of Sean and Leigh Anne. They are some of the most incredible and inspirational people I have ever heard of or read. Not only that, but they are just how I have always wanted to be. 1. They are southern. I love the south, when we drove on our road trip through there I loved it. If I did not live in San Diego, I would choose to live in Tennessee or Alabama or somewhere like that. I love it. 2. They are whole hearted, don't push it down your throat but it is a requirement in life Christians. The kind I strive to be. 3. They give without having to receive and they give a lot. I love that about people. 4. They were strict with their kids. Exactly how things should be. My parents weren't strict, but I believe in the Tuohy rules. If you are too busy with activities there is no time for sex, drugs, and alcohol. Two thumbs up in my book. 5. Leigh Anne carries a gun. I've always wanted to carry one. Maybe not in my purse, but maybe so.

Via

I want to grow up and be just like them. I hope that I can continue to grow towards what they are. They are exceptional people who do more for others than they might have done for them.

Carlsbad on a Saturday

This is what Chris and I did today. First, the gym, we sweat our butts off. Then off to Carlsbad for lunch and a wonderful sun-shiny day. Oh, and my first sunburn of 2011; however, when it goes from red to brown, which it will, it should fill in where I have my farmers tan from last summer at the Orioles game. Woo hoo!

The start of our LONG walk. It did feel good though. Way up by that light were some guys playing hacky sack. Sadly, no photos of those gentlemen.

This is me doing what I do best, being bratty and obnoxious. See the face and the hair (maybe not it is my "pocahontas hair") and the sunglasses? All that makes me a brat.

These are a couple beach shots. Isn't it a beautiful day? It was awesome. Nice and hot and breezy and sunny.

This Chris on the rocks. It is the spot he really wanted to go to. And when we got on the rocks, we found a few furry friends.... SQUIRRELS This was our wonderful beachy day. Now we are borth tired, relaxed, sunburned, and have our happy pants on.

I am a SIXTH MAN

I still remember this moment

In the back of my mind

The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in the stands went wild

We were the KINGS and the queens

And they read off YOUR names

The night you PLAYED like you knew our lives

Would never be the same

You held your head like a hero

On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age

Long live the walls we crashed through

While the ARENA lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders, TODAY you will be remembered

I said remember this feeling

YOU passed the BALL around

Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines

FEARING for right now

We are the KINGS and the queens

You traded your JERSEY for a FROWN

When they gave YOU YOUR trophies

And YOU held them up for YOUR town

And the FANS are outraged

Screaming, this is absurd

'Cause for a moment, a band of GREEDS

WITH BAD HAIR got to rule the world

Long live the walls we crashed through

While the ARENA lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders, WE are not afraid

Long live all the SHAQS that you moved

I had the time of my life fighting LAKERS with you

I was screaming, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders, TODAY you are remembered

Hold on to, RUNNING around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break or fall

And I take a moment

Promise YOU this

That WE'LL stand by YOU forever

But if God forbid if fate should step in

And force us into a goodbye

WHEN I have children someday

When they point to the pictures

I WILL tell them YOUR name

Tell them how the crowds went wild

Tell them how MUCH YOU SHINED

Long live the walls YOU crashed through

I had the time of my life with you

Long live the walls we crashed through

While the ARENA lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders, WE are not afraid

Long live all the SHAQS that you moved

I had the time of my life fighting LAKERS with you

I was screaming, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders, TODAY you are remembered

"Long Live," by Taylor Swift, edited by me.

This is my tribute to the Sacramento Kings. I know that the season may have ended, but they may not be leaving. They might be staying. All I have to say is that, they were a part of my life. I will always be a SACRAMENTO Kings fan. I was there when Robert Horry made that horrifying shot; I was there when Bibby made that fantastic three pointer; I was there for the punches, and falls; I was there for the sadness and the joys; and if they stay, I will be there for always.

hair, hair, everywhere

I'm trying to grow my hair out.

It is so frustrating.... I know it is not short or anything, but it is so blah.

I don't want to color it and I don't want to cut it short. I just want it to grow.

My bangs are awkward. I wish I could do the bangs braid thing, but I can't.

I have done it once, and it just does not work for me.

This is short, and sweet, and to the point. I might update it later, or tomorrow.

some days are diamonds

Today was a good day. After last night's total meltdown I had a good day. Long, boring day at work, but on to my favorite time of day. The time I spend with Chris. We had a delicious dinner, corn on the cob, chicken drumsticks, and Wendy's french fries. Not to be all totally cheesy, but while dinner was cooking we danced in the kitchen to John Denver's "Some Days are Diamonds (Some Days are Stone)." It was very romantic.

I loved it. I love him. He is the favorite part of my day, and my night, and all my life. I am very excited to have in my life. And now, my Pandora station just played "Longer," by Dan Fogelberg. This is my kind of romantic music.

untitled

I have always had two flaws that do not go hand in hand; I am super confident, sometimes too confident, yet, at the same time, I also manage to be very insecure and have terrible body confidence. It is such a very strange set of flaws to have. I can walk into any room as if I own the place, yet if someone looks at me while I am eating, I freak out thinking they must be imagining terrible thoughts in my head. It is such a crazy feeling because I will wake up and be like, eh, I look ho hum, nothing unusual. Then I have a complete and utter meltdown. I don't want to look like every other super thin celebrity. I just want to fit back into all my clothes. I want to look at myself and see what I want to see, not what I used to see.

Growing up being overweight or chubby was so difficult. The words that people said, the things that people did. It was so hard to undergo. I know that as an adult, these things shouldn't matter. But I see it. Every. Single. Day. I see kids and teens and adults going through that. People are too this, too that. Why can't we all just be happy. I was happy in my 8s and my 10s, and now I'm not happy.

I wish that people were less superficial and cared more about what is inside.

make new friends, but keep the old...

one is silver, and the other's gold. If only life was so simple as this silly and childish song. I know that as an adult, your friendships from the past and the one's you make in the future evolve in a different way than they did when you were a child. Yet, I see people who have friends at my age and they actually spend time with their friends. I wonder now, with the friends that I once had or still have, who knows at this point, why were they my friends? Out of pity? Did they think they couldn't get rid of me? Did they really even like me? And if they did like me or do like me, why has all that changed? Why does nobody seem to care? I have done my fair share of caring and yet I never get anything in return. I do not like to feel jealous, but sometimes I do. I wish I had a friend to go shopping with; girl talk with; or even so Chris and I can have some friends to hang out with, for something to do. I get jealous that everyone seems to have something and I don't. I know I made a choice to move to San Diego the first time, and then to Maryland, and then back to San Diego, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve some kind of friendship. I feel like I am an afterthought for them, and it doesn't feel good. Eew, what an awful case of the Mondays. :/