I Got a Lot of Troubles of My Own

I'm digging the new Miranda Lambert song, "Baggage Claim."

My blogging ability has seemed to be very limited as of late. I have a lot of words and phrases in my head, but as I am typing them, they just are not working out. I think a lot of things in my life are not working out as planned, and it is probably creating this little road block between my brain and my mouth (if I am actually speaking) or my fingers if I am typing.

I was reading a book, surprise, surprise, and if you did not already know, I am a very emotional person. I cry, a lot. However, the point is that yes I did want to cry while reading this book because the brother in the book gets in a car accident and his brain is severely damaged. From that point on (he is not a main character, just a side character) he lives a life in a home with only his sister visiting him. He wanders around, and has to have reminders of everything, his short term memory is very limited. As I was reading, I came to the realization that my current career is not what I should be doing. I have too much compassion and empathy for people who need help. I can not imagine going back to school to become a nurse, but sometimes I wonder, am I being drawn to a career in Special Education? Or perhaps something in a similar field? I don't really know. I want to help people, and I know that right now, I do not. I sit at a desk doing mindless work, and honestly, I spend a lot of my day doing absolutely nothing. It is such a waste of my time and my energy. People assume that doing nothing would be so easy, but trust me, the day is excruciatingly slow and you are exhausted. It is almost like my brain is atrophying from lack of stimulation. I can only imagine what it would be like if I did not read. I read books and magazines; blogs and newspaper articles; and anything else with print on it.

I really have been sitting back and trying to decide what exactly I want to be doing with my life. I know that economically it does not make sense to quit my job, but with a student loan and part time work, I think I could make it happen. I am already in debt with my previous student loans, what's a little more if I feel accomplished and happy? I know that I should take the GRE and get my Master's Degree alongside my Teaching Credential, but am I really ready to take those leaps?

Hmm... This is only one portion of the huge thing that is taking up space in my head, aka my brain. There is so much going on and no way of properly expressing it. Thank you blog world, and anyone who might read this, for helping me.